030

I always loved that moment in The Outsiders when Johnny tells Pony Boy to stay golden.  I sit on a dock that pierces into the ocean, and cogitate Frost's words under a blanket of starlight.  "Nothing gold can stay."  Such an elegant piece of poetry, such an elegant part of the story.  It makes me happy to ponder such things, as I inevitably arrive at wonder; a magic too often forgotten.

I remember last November,
Last November it didn't snow.
It wasn't cold, but I didn't mind,
Maybe it was gold.
Maybe...
For a moment I was king.
I was king, and you...
You were everything.
Threaded in my dreams.
Tugging at my heartstrings.
For a moment, I was king,
I was king, and for a moment,
I believed in God.
And this moment happened over again,
Like a loop that existed within a dead end.
Like a circle before the circle begins,
Like the meaning before the logic sets in,
Like the knowing that arrives before it makes sense.
I was the supernova in your eyes.
And I don't even mind...
I was king.
Isn't that just life?
To learn to die just right?
For a moment, I was a king.
I was a king, and you...
You were God.



Spatter

029

One of my friends thinks it's absurd to love someone who doesn't love you.  He thinks it's weak, he is actually repulsed by the idea.  He is disgusted.  I must point out that he is both a learned and good human being, though he will not be the one to inform you.  He still wears a mask, I'm afraid.  Another friend of mine believes it is strength, he believes that it is the intrinsic human will, it is a defining characteristic.  It is a loyalty known to few species, as it so often lacks evolutionary merit.  I stand divided, but certain.  I believe one should love another human being if it can benefit the being in question.  I will not love for myself.  The purpose of love is to make better or to support another, if that love will do neither, then that love is selfish.  Maybe that's why I must become a physician, to love those I do not know.  Maybe this endeavor will keep me clean.

Live long,

Spatter

028

Every moment is the first moment of the rest of your life.  It seems that for some time I have forgotten to just stop, clear my mind, and rest for a spell.  As a great many have said it before me, I'll say it in my own words.  For you, whomever you may be.

There are scars upon my face, they shine a pretty shade of blue.
They line my eyes like teardrops, like a fading, sad tattoo.
I'll be your clown...I'll be your fool.
I'll be anything you want me to...

There was a shadow in a valley, in my mind which I pursued.
This place of skull would serve a hearty lot of grim abuse.
I'll be your heartache...You'll be my muse.
We'll fail each other soft and true.

Someday, I'll come back to you...
There there now little lover,
I'll come back for you.

Time will take your body, age will exact its toll.
Someday pretty soon, you won't be beautiful...
Then what will you give to them?
I guess you'll give your soul...

That's when I'll come back to you.

Live long.

Spatter

027

How I've neglected the power of learning, the power of the textbook, of the teacher.  I sit here, buried in information, and I realize that it takes away my thoughts.  It removes the world, and all I feel is anticipation, excitement for the next words, fore I know they will teach me things of new.  The one love that is always there, the one friend who waits patiently for my return, knowing I come back time and time again, a different man.  I open it with care, the crisp smell of ink and vinyl acetate ethylene, or the sweet ethyl benzene that takes it's place, they bring me back always, I am immersed in them.  My true love.  How you stay so clean and pure.  Nothing makes me smile like you do, nothing brings me home.  They will never be as much as you have been to me.  they will never be as much as you are.  What I find in the human being lasts but a moment, it grows stale and weak, it breaks and lacks substance.  You will never leave me, never let me down.  You are a love worth living for.  Thank you, for reminding me who I am, and why I've become so.  I would say live long, but you will live forever.

Spatter