031

It's been some time since I wrote traditional post, so I figure now is as good a time as any.  On break from medical school for 5 weeks, of which two have passed.  I already find myself restless, yearning to get back to my mission.  I realize I have changed.  I'm running, it's been quite a few miles, I'm tired, I think maybe I'll walk the rest of the way.  But I can't.  My mind won't let me slow, everything that can push me, does push me.  My thoughts go to places to feign purpose to finish my run.  It would be too easy to stop Andrew, we don't do easy.  You're not tired, you just think you are, will it kill you to press onward?  You know you can, stopping now wouldn't be of necessity, it would be a choice, a weak choice.  You hate weakness.  [omitted] is waiting for you at the end, [omitted] is there, at your final destination.  Don't waste time, there is no time to waste.  Keep running.  You will regret it if you don't keep running.  In fact Andrew, run harder...My mind plays its game, and I run harder, knowing deep down that the reasons are loosely based in lies.  I manipulate myself so that I can press on, so that I can move forward, so that I will not quit.  This is what happens to me during a run.  It's not just a run, not for me.  For me, it's life and death, it's everything.  For me, there is no next moment with which to redeem oneself, there is only this moment: to grow, to learn, to live, and to love.  Live long, all my love to Di.

Spatter